I have always cared for their brothers and cared for so far is okay, it doesn't have to be proud of. I had a very big conflict with the young guys who came back from the airport and wanted to go there again. I didn't let them. They don't understand then. But I saw that they don't come back, because they are very much overwhelmed by the fights and mind has already been made outside of the mind. They gave me a very long time to forgive. Some are only now began to understand why I did. It was a group of four people. Others were injured, two killed. It's the people and I are still together.

I was born in Bukovina, recently live in Ternopil. I'm honored coach of Ukraine from free battlefield, that is, free-fight. Lead regional Federation, international referee, often travel around the world - judging competitions. Before the war had a sports club - it was my main activity for at least the last 10 years. A 96-year I in the organization "Tryzub" named after Stepan Bandera. I think this is a lesion that forms the man as a conscious personality. Though I haven't lead an active life in the organizing movement, "Trident" for me - as a landmark.

I was ashamed not to go to war, because I'm a grown man, who served in the army. I have dear people, at the time was my girlfriend, now my wife. A lot of my friends fought, and some of my students died. So I was tortured normal male shame - and this was the main motive.
I perceive events in the East as staged cancer. And if this direction does not break, it will hurt those who are dear to me. And these people very much. They are both in Kiev and in Western Ukraine - almost everywhere. And Ukraine is the body, so geographically, wherever he was sick, the consequences affect all the others. One of the psychological motives - fear for those I know. And already in last place - Patriotic duty, because I was brought up in a Patriotic environment.
"Right sector" I opted for a very simple reason - it trust to a certain number of people, which prevailed in it; and there was a wonderful vision and understanding of what is happening in the armed forces. "PS" is not my organization, I am critical to so many things there; in many ways my views are different from them, I mean the political part, but the best so far I have not seen in Ukraine. The closest for me is Duska part - now it's my brothers. To win this war, I need accomplices and PS is an accomplice to me, and the alternatives until I see it. I immediately got into the 5th battalion. I had good organizational skills to communicate with men of any age, so for a fairly short period of time I was ordered to form a second company, she was a backup at the time. Now this second company of the fifth battalion.
In early September, my unit went to the Sands, where for a long time took an active part in the defense. On the front line, the military does not have enough people on staff, so we agreed with them to replace those that were missing. Master the weapons studied in parallel with the fights. Someone was better prepared, someone is worse, unfortunately, most of the guys we have is self-taught. We brought a brand new grenade launcher RPG-7, and before the attack I was learning how to use it. It was funny and scary at the same time. And for anybody not a secret that a lot of people paranioa when you exercise. This applies not only to volunteer in the army picture is the same. In principle, the army has practically no different from us except motivation. That is, we all had the desire to protect the earth, and in the army people are often forced.
During the first attack killed one of the guys from our team, I was a witness to this. But mentally I had tremendous protection - the brain is so contracted that everything perceived in some kind of catatonic state. And at the same time are very specific: after we sent the dead guys - mechanically sat down to eat. Our hands were covered in blood, but we were not even than to wash it. The shovel had to collect fragments of bodies that are ripped by shrapnel, because there was no more than.
I am extremely lucky sucn son and terribly careful. Immediately realized that this war is not your own heroism, and our task now is possible to learn how to fight. Our efficiency in the future, and victory will depend on how we are going to learn because this is only the beginning of the war. And I constantly fought with the guys, constantly prigaev their dust because I came from a funeral and did not want to participate in the funeral and in the future.
A lot of people die because of the recklessness, bravado or stupidity. Yes, they're still heroes, for the reason that they went to war. But most died foolishly, and they are not to blame, this must be addressed.
When someone dies, you feel a very strong pain in the chest. Before I went to fight a very strong blow for me was the death of my student Orestes Sulky. In September I had the funeral of one of my student's Novel Lyashenko, who died under Loviska, he was in the Armed forces. Also killed a fellow "Aydar", Andriy yurkevych. It's the guys from my sports club and very close to me. Now they all were awarded posthumously. So I very well understand that the smallest loss can be through training and discipline. And most were not ready to learn. They all wanted to fight, to destroy enemies. I as a coach I understand that in order to become a world champion, you need a very long time and a lot of work, and to win you need to spend a lot of time, blood and sweat, but not in combat, and training.
I got my own attitude to the war: it was very difficult to walk on someone else's village, the homes of others and to see destroyed human work. In the fall I ate at the garden tomatoes, I love them very much, and apologized - thanked the people who planted them, and who didn't have to collect them. They most likely never will live in their homes. Still very hard to see the books in people's homes. There were a lot of Ukrainian literature, on which I was raised. I took the book with a falling-down house, read it and bring it back. Knew or she will burn, or rot, but I couldn't afford to take her out of the house. Though for anybody not a secret that Sands with a lot of things were taken out. And thanks to our battalion commander position, we could still very hard to hit the people who were looting; that's why we really got a great unit from a wonderful honest people. The war was a microcosm of our society from civilian life, there came the people who surround us constantly. But if in civilian life you don't notice them, you live with them. For me it was a tragedy that some Ukrainians inherent looting, because it is impossible to defeat the evil being the most evil. And it makes no sense to lose your life to change the flea. Actually it is very sad.
One of the most vivid memories for me - it's not fighting, and when you're coming under fire in the library to collect books. In the Sands - a huge library and I had a dream to get her, that books are not lost. But I was able to pick up only a few books: something from Lina Kostenko, 6 volumes of the "Life of animals" and several books about nature. Not able to realize a dream - I consider it my biggest failure in this village.

I have always cared for their brothers and cared for so far is okay, it doesn't have to be proud of. I had a very big conflict with the young guys who came back from the airport and wanted to go there again. I didn't let them. They don't understand then. But I saw that they don't come back, because they are very much overwhelmed by the fights and mind has already been made outside of the mind.
They gave me a very long time to forgive. Some are only now began to understand why I did. It was a group of four people. Others were injured, two killed. It's the people and I are still together. One of them, Gennady Dosenko, last week died. It was a warrior - rock. And only after his death, I was approached by one of the brethren, and said, "you Know, only when the Rain died, I realized that you wanted to explain, when not allowed to go to the airport".
Another one of the painful memories when a group of scouts went on a mission, and I just felt that they don't come back. They were taken prisoner. Two and so far, since October, there are. And one of the kids was put in a car bomb and sent this car to undermine our post. But they did not know that he was a sapper and coped with explosives - it didn't work. I don't know what to call it, but I often look at people and know that they will die. It was felt the reason for their behavior. And this feeling is terrible, as this causes a huge void that you're powerless to change things.
The hardest thing in war is the war itself and your presence in it. There is the aggravation of all psychological States, and they greatly distort the perception of reality. Shooting someone is difficult. And those who stood all winter, and fought with the other side, I primarily perceive as opponents. We can say that there are only sociopaths, assholes, morons, but it seems to me that on the other side a lot of people who simply no longer have any faith in anything. The boys went for their country. And they went for their land, just about her for a long time, nobody cared, it was left by God knows who. With the enemies we have different political and spiritual views, but I think that with most of our cynical leaders and military I would not find a common language, and with them, perhaps, would have found. Because our leaders, moreover, on both sides, only numbers, statistics. So many died, so many more will die... says our coach Date of Mercer, in the course of psychological rehabilitation "Brothers": "the last thing you want to fight the soldiers, because they know what war is, and most want to fight politicians and various cones, because they do not fight."
I began to respect the opposite direction, as fighters, and realized that they otherwise think is our fault. We do all these years didn't do with that region. I know because I traveled to Donetsk. And to say that it is a sump, it's not people, it is impossible. I don't like to criticize the government, and responsible for myself. And while he was in the war, discovered one of the commandments: do not judge lest ye be judged. We all want to speak for others, but much easier for me to tell what I personally did. So I don't take on the burden of chores to do for other people. I don't want to bear the burden Poroshenko or burdened Yarosh. I chose, and for me it is quite heavy.
I now have a greater internal struggle - I don't want to fight with weapons and want to help create a new Ukrainian army. I don't believe in our Armed forces. And not in men, and in leadership. This is the Soviet people. They are insincere, they don't change.
Everyone is now talking about the system, I wouldn't want to be trite, but it is - the unchanged system. My war will be in the fact that in spite of all the political attempts not to move volunteers to counterbalance the system. It can't be destroyed, without having something to replace, but it can be moved by creating a better alternative.
Our boys is the Cossacks without trousers I perceive volunteers as an integral part of Ukrainian history and traditions. It is a certain formation of people, a certain quality of men with a particular worldview. These are the people about whom the girl once wrote songs. I think that now I will start to write, which is not ashamed and not ashamed of it - ogn people, intelligent and classy. Friendship, support and generosity that exists among them is enormous. "I just love our tramps" - so says my battalion commander about his fighters and I'm proud to have them. I would really like to volunteer were to some legitimate state level. Believe that it can be done. For this we need to have a very high-quality human resources, trained and most motivated people. We are, but, unfortunately, we are now very small, and propaganda, and the efforts that are invested in discrediting volunteers, hurt me personally, because most of the volunteers were sincere people. When people can die, she can't stay in tune. Don't forget that a lot of volunteers went into the Armed forces and felt contempt for myself. Very humiliating for people who went to defend the country, to go to classrooms and to prove that they fought.
I don't consider myself a hero, although spent a lot of time on the front line. I honestly say that I was scared when he fired. I had even animal fear, when the hail hit the house in which we sat. And the only time I realized with horror how it's bad that we didn't have time to change guys that they beat the record for staying on the front line. These are people who, perhaps, will never return back. Every extra hour there is a piece torn out of your life, because war changes physically, psychologically and many even can not imagine how. There are those who have completed suicide. There are those who went off the rails. Everyone is silent about it. And I'm ashamed about it are silent. My closest friend, now a huge problem with his wife. She has a nervous breakdown. Such an injury it received through the permanent feelings for him. I also know what's happening with my wife, with her mom. Her sister's at war. Two people from seven' on the front is difficult.
I believe in Ukraine and in the layer of people who make life worth living, which is to extract from the war alive, and after the war they must be put on your feet and help. Ukraine needs these people.
I don't like being escorted us and say, please come back alive. I think that we need to say "come back with victory" and know that we will win. Although I am sure that this is not the beginning of a horror, but still the conclusion will be positive.
Unfortunately, we are very dependent on policy, but it seems to me that these policies soon just themselves will eat. That is, what they do is, frankly, suicidal. And our task now is to prepare. How Yarosh says: "We don't know what Russia will do, we don't know what will do us the world, but we must be ready for it."
Text and photo: Vika Yasinskaya, "Censor.NET"
Source: http://censor.net.ua/